Old Ms Amala

“You see those beautiful fluorescent lights up on the ceiling? Well,  maama put them up there . He used to find it easy going to sleep looking up at these pretty green stars and  moon… Here,  let me switch the lights off for you…”

   Old Ms Amala., aged 65 years old. Being a retired school teacher , she had the perfect combination of the confidence of a woman who had handled many brats of boys at school  and the strict discipline of a god fearing Brahmin.

          She wakes up at 6 in the morning, takes a walk all the way from sector 3 to sector 4 breathing the cool november delhi air.

          As she walks home, she buys milk and other necessities required to make a tastey breakfast , an Indian delicacy which she would later astonish me with.

I try to hop out of bed by 7.15  and rush to the bathroom before she gets home. Young and carefree as I am, having no prior chance to spend time with someone in such an age group,,  being a guest at her home (even  just for a day or two) was becoming quite a tricky issue. What to do.. what not to…? How clean should the room be… can I use her utensils? Should I not?

           “Good morning dear!”  She calls after me… “Have your tea first and then take a bath…I have just switched the water heater on”

“Oh I have already taken my bath, maami… the water was not that cold.” I said, .. remembering how I had to keep myself from groaning out loudly from the freezing water. “ Do you need any help making breakfast?” I make my way into the kitchen. The tiny size of the pots and vessels  were a tell tale sign of a lonely widower whose children have settled in other parts of the globe.

         “A nice collection of vessels maami! So compact and easy to store.”

         “ ah! Yes… these belonged to maama” she said . I was to  learn later that maama ( her husband) had been suffering from a cancer due to which he  passed away two years ago  “He left this house so comfortable for me to live in” She said in such a jolly note that you would think he was still alive. “he had written the numbers of the plumber , carpenter and every possible person  whose help I might need. My neighbours here are also such helpful people. Mr and Mrs Ram are also a retired couple staying in B12. They don’t have any children. Lucy is all they have” I had met Lucy the day before. A smart little dog…I wondered how old she was

         , Mr Varma, another neighbour drops me of at the Medical Council on  Maamis request.

          I come home with Jeena Davis. My college-mate who had to apply for registration along with me. She had a small complication with  the passing of her certificates and had to postpone her ticket to chennai for the next day… “Welcome home my children! Is this the Jeena you talked about over the phone? Nice to meet you dear! make yourself comfortable” she says and leads us into the apartment.

         “Today was my sister in laws birthday  I was out with her family” she says after she has inquired about our experience at the council. “I saw her birthdate on the diary your maama left. He had a whole list of birthdays written down you see. I was not as good at trying to remember them like he did, but now, its easier.” Her eyes showed the same smile it did hours ago.

           She swiftly runs into the  kitchen to prepare dinner for us and will not hear of any offer to help. She shooes us into our room to rest our tired legs until dinner will be ready.

          Perfectly round tiny chappatis, with palak panner and boondhi raita on the side; A delhi special I secretly love (it has to be kept a secret because I am slightly overweight and all my wellwishers have banned me from touching any kind of  cheese). Our conversation includs all topics from her children in America and Canada , to the ekta kapoor serials on television. We even brush through all her favourite recipes which she has learnt all over the years. I tell her my dream of carrying on a carrier in clinical research.. A few proud words of encouragement from  her when  we hear Lucy barking across the hall.

        “Lucy, a loving Dog.” She says.  Maama used to always buy biscuits for him. When he calls out her name from inside the apartment, she still hears him and rushes over here to collect her treat…”she said smiling. “ when maama passed away,  she did not eat or move around for days!” my lips were paralysed in a dilemma , either to utter words of consolation or to let her know how loved he was.

“well, your maama was a loved man”,  she said at last. "But that’s all a story long over", she said leaving a big sigh. . so tomorrow you need to go to the airport you said? Let me arrange a taxi for you……”

         that night I found it difficult to sleep. As I lay on the bed staring at the ‘pretty green stars' above.. I saw a love that has endured years of hardship, disagreements, the growth of three children and then finally,  distance..

 Some day in the future. I will have my share of marriage troubles, disagreements, and sometimes I may feel the desperation to let go…. 

           But on this night , all I could think of was the day I will be 65, the day I will remember my love . with a smile on my lips.

                                                                                     By,

                                                                                           An inexperienced author

  

           

Confessions of a 20 something drama queen...

i woke up one fateful morning...my eyelids still stuck together; trying hard to remember the vague dream i had last night . something about flowers and petals .... and a dress... the most beautiful dress i had ever seen. "some day i will buy that dress" i thought to myself . some day... when i am able to fit into it of course.

         i stumbled into the bathroom and forced my eyes open in front of the mirror. i looked at my ever growing waistline. " did it grow a little from the pizza i had last night?" i wondered. i remembered the dress again , yah right, someday....

my eyes slowly made its way up to my face... "aaaaaahhhhh!!! is that a wrinkle?????" i felt nauseous . the bathroom walls seemed to be spinning over my head and a little fairy was playing weird tunes next to my ear...

"thats a worry line u knuckle head. happy birthday..." that was my sister walking in to grab my spot in front of the mirror.

a worry line? yah thats for sure.
 " what do you have to worry about at your age?? " my mom always asks. "whats not to worry about???" i would think.

i am a full grown adult  but i still feel like the insecure little teenage girl i was years ago. i still believe in fairy tales with fairy god mothers and princes , but act like i dont.
" the perfect man ?? he doesnt exist!!!" i would say..but secretly believe that he will find me some day.
lets not forget the fact that at such moments ,i almost always assume that  I am the perfect girl....

i add background music in my head to any situation i m in. and laugh like a loony toon at the most unfortunate of times...
of course not everyone around me shared the same enthusiasm. i wonder why...

i look shocked when a school child calls me 'aunty' ,while i compensate by addressing her mom the same way...
i really have to join the gym!!!... someday....

i spend hours singing my favourite songs around the house over and over again, while my sister begs me to shut up...
even though i know i sound exactly like the original singers i wonder why i never get selected into those reality shows.??? hmmm.....must be an inside job.....


and finally as i was standing in front of my birthday cake , with just 5 candles ( too many candles spoil the beauty of the cake) and looking at my loving family smiling at me and showering me with gifts, my worry lines deepened as i wondered if the the cake underneath the icing was chocolate or vanilla.......










         

IF Only....

The charachters portrayed in this short story are purely fictional.  Resemblance to any person living or dead is only co-incidental...

"You will disgrace us completely if you keep doing this Ananya!! why on earth do you keep regecting every proposal we bring for your marriage. do you not want to get married at all?!!"
          Ananya slowly stood up and with out uttering a word she walked out of her parents room. she took her mobile and began dialling ...
"hey nancy... when are you comin over to pick me up. sudhirs party is tonight right?"

 "yes dear... i'll be over by 6"

In the evening as ananya rushed out of the house... she caught a glimpse of her mother weeping... she quickly closed the door behind her and galloped down the stairwell.

Ananya had been waiting for sudhirs party for a long time. it was the day she was going to meet all her friends from medical school after 2 years... a day for going back to the time when everything was so beautiful.when everyone were so innocent and happy; so clean, so indestructible, unscarred by the realities of life.
     she had also been waiting for this day because she was going to see Ashwin again. She had remembered how he tried to convey his love for her time and again and how she would always turn him down... because her family would never accept. but he never stopped, nor did she ever tell him how much she truly loved him.
 she had been counting the days until when she would just get to see him once more;  until a week ago. after when nothing seemed so important or exciting anymore.

"Great party sudhir!!!" screamed nancy from across the hall and then walked over to the rest of their gang.
" so whens your next appointment, ananya? " sheela asked .
" Tomorrow. " answered nancy " at 2"
" so when is the big day sheela? " ananya asked
" we havent decided yet. but jagdish is leaving for US in two months so i hope its before that!!"
" did i hear music around here somewhere? " jagdish walked into the little circle and swiped sheela into his arms. "what are we talking about? "he asked cheekily...
ananya walked over to a chair and sat down... she slowly let her eyes wander over to all her friends around who were trying so hard to keep her occupied. they hadnt let her alone for one moment that whole night. tried to keep her spirits high, but all she could manage to do was to keep herself from going insane. all night she had noticed ashwin smiling at her from a distance. but all she could feel was pain. not the pain of love, or of separation. This pain was different,  which even ashwins kind smile could not heal. the feeling of a sharp knife boring down her central being, not just once but repeated stabs with the blade twisting down her core each time....

"i have to go home" she said and quickly disappeared down the hall.

..........

"hello Mr Harsh.i am Dr Ananya, i will be taking your blood today for sampling. can you hold your hand like this for me please.. good.. this will just take a minute. she took the syringe into her hand and pressed the needle into his vein. dark blood gushed into the syringe.. pleased with herself for doing such a good job she slowly pulled the needle out ...
" hey Ananya!!!!"
 Startled by the voice calling out to her as she tried to turn the needle accidently piecered deep into ananyas skin...
 Ananya woke up suddenly with sweat all over her body. she took slow deep breaths trying to get some air. she rested her head on her pillow again hoping  that the dream would not return.

"Hey how long have you been waiting? have they called you yet? " sheela asked as she walked into the waiting room. Nancy and jagdish followed her in.
"nope. but i am next i guess"
"ok" they said in unison and sat beside her...ananya silently placed her head on jagdishs shoulder. a tear trickled down her eyes.

after an hour in Dr Randy's room, nancy, sheela and jagdish walked out of the hospital silently with anaya...nancys hands tightly around anaya.

the next day ananya went to the lake, hoping to find the peace that so many claim to feel when they r out there. all she could feel was the urge to run fast . to run and run and run and to not stop until she jumped into the lake. she felt herself drowning deeper and deeper. she wanted to come up again but something just kept pushing her further down. ananya was gasping for breath when she opened her eyes . she looked around and realised she was on dry land and yet she did not feel releaved.

for the past whole week she had kept replaying that fateful day a year ago over and over in her head.. if only that intern had frantically called her name a lot earlier to warn her that the patient was HIV positive. if only she had worn some gloves. if only she had been more careful. if only she had listened to her friends when they told her to take post exposure prophylaxis immediately.  but it was all an ' if only'  now. she had been infected. she had been in a state of shock and denial. it had taken three days for her to walk over to the STD couselling centre to ask for her options. by that time it had become too late. 72 hours too late.
 " The chances of transmission this way is minimal dear. dont worry about it." her friends said trying to counsel her. she had believed them and had let go.

her past had come back to bite her when she went for a general serology check in order to apply for post grad schools . and ever since her future had taken a complete turn in the opposite direction. she had not even figured out a way to tell her parents. they thought she was rebelling against the idea of marriage. the thought of getting married was the last thing on her mind.  she felt so lost. it was not so long ago she had felt indestructible. even a cold or a cough was a rare event in ananyas life. but now she had to get used to the idea of disease.... and death just a few years away.

as the days went by ananya began to understand herself. she still had time. she had her health and her strong will. and so she slowly began making her plans. one little step at a time.she began concentrating on her medications, her diet, her purpose for the little time she had before the viral load would spike up and the CD4 count would spiral down.
but she never had the courage to tell her family. what would i say? how would i say it? what about their hopes and dreams....?will they be able to survive through this with me? her throat would always clog in when she thought about it...and she would stop.

two months later....

"I am finally married!!!" sheela screeched as she ran down from the marriage pandal. the gang was together again after a long time. the girls all hugged each other and did a silly dance when ananya noticed ashwin walk towards sheela and jagdish. she quickly pulled herself away and sat down on a chair nearby. she noticed that he congratulated them and began pacing towards her. she quickly got up to go when she heard him call her name. she felt paralyzed.

" how much longer are you going to run from me ananya? " he said
"you already know what my answer is ashwin. please, just leave me alone."
"ananya. i know....."
"what are you talking about?"
"i know how you feel about me ananya."
"i have better offers now ashwin. why would i even consider you now. you were just a college crush for me."
"dont lie to me. nancy told me everything...about everything. so stop acting like a stubborn child and let me in atleast now. please dont push me away . let me show you how much i love you."

" its going to be very hard ashwin.."
"i know. i am a doctor too silly. and thats why i know it will be difficult to face it alone."
"i will grow ugly, and skinny"
"i will be by your side holding your hand until the end....." he slowly took her  hand into his... " so you want to go tell your parents now?"
the clog in ananyas throat began to build up...but somehow it was easier to bear this time...she looked up into his eyes... "yes" she said. she slowly followed as he led her out of the wedding hall into her future......
                                                          
                                                      THE END

this short story was not meant to scare anyone...... but docs... remember PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE.....

• use universal precautions
• treat every patient with unknown serology to be a positive patient.
• the risk of HIV transmission through percutaneous exposure is 0.3 %... very little but possible.

The following scenarios warrant Post exposure prophylaxis.

• Two Drug PEP Recommended
• Three Drug PEP Recommended
• exposure to asymptomatic HIV+ person via deep puncture from a large bore hollow needle
• a puncture from a needle with visible blood on the needle
• a puncture from a needle used in a patient's vein or artery.
• exposure to asymptomatic HIV+ person by solid needle stick or superficial injury that break the skin
• a mucous membrane exposure to a large volume of HIV infected blood that's source is asymptomatic (consider for a lesser volume, a few drops)
• a mucous membrane exposure to a small volume of HIV infected blood that's source is symptomatic.

Three or More Drug PEP Recommended

• any needle stick exposure from any type needle used on a symptomatic HIV+ person
• a mucous membrane exposure to a large volume of HIV infected blood whose source is symptomatic.

Preferred Two-Drug Regimen

• Option 1 - Retrovir (zidovudine, AZT)+ Epivir (lamivudine) twice daily. Combivir (Retrovir + Epivir)twice daily is typically substituted for ease of administration. This twice a day regimen is a bit harder to take but is recommended in pregnancy.
• Option 2 - Truvada (tenofovir + emtricitabine) taken once daily. This one drug regimen is easier to take but does have the risk of liver toxicity.

Preferred Three-Drug Expanded Regimen

• Basic two drug regimen option 1 or 2 above with the addition of Kaletra (lopinavir + ritonavir) twice daily.

any mistakes in the above information please let me know so that i can correct it......